To Grow Up or Not To Grow Up, That Is The Question

This afternoon at work, my friend and I suddenly had the urge to listen to Ed Sheeran. Do you know how amazing he sounds? I am head over heels for this guy! :P

We literally played this song over and over again!

Sometimes, I know I say ridiculous stuff, but today we were completely off the wall!
Among other things said (and sounds we made), we finally found the word to describe this song: eargasmic! We laughed so hard someone had to tell us to quiet down.

I asked her if we were ever going to grow up. As if this was a choice. We looked at each other and started laughing again and said: "Nope! We're never going to grow up!".


It is comforting to know that a certain part of me will always remain playful and child-like. Life shouldn't be so serious. There's always room for humor.

Then I met a guy at my favorite coffee shop (there weren't any tables left so he sat down at my table across from me) and I caught myself talking very mature and "grown". I sounded so different, so sure of myself. I know the environment changed, and the setting was different, but deep down inside I felt more like myself when I was laughing my ass off with my friend.

So, maybe I don't want to grow up. And the cool thing about this is that my friends don't care how silly, goofy, or immature I am. There are boundaries and limits to immaturity, but honestly, why rush it!

So, be goofy, be silly, and be yourself. One day we will have to grow up... but not today! (This is the creative procrastinator in me!)

:)

P.S. Meet my friend:

Who's Thinking About Me Now?

About four years ago I met a guy who, superficially, was everything I wanted in a guy.

He broke through the walls I had built and made me believe again.

He spent four years getting to know me, listening to me and giving me his undivided time and attention.  Still, I never got to see him as anything other than a friend. I tried many times to see him as something more, I tried to convince myself that he was all I needed. But it was all in vain, deep down inside I knew I was going to make him and myself unhappy if I went against my own feelings. We stopped talking because he realized that I couldn't reciprocate his strong feelings. Fall and winter passed; when spring came around we looked for each other again. We both realized there was no other person who loved the same things we loved, or who listened to us with such care as we listened to each other. This time I thought I could bring myself to like him as much as he liked me. But time and time again I rejected him and pulled away. I can't understand why I couldn't be as attracted to him as he was to me. He was everything I always wanted. Kind, funny, loving, caring, and most importantly he made me feel loved. Before him, only one person had managed to make me feel that way. And yet, I simply couldn't go on lying to him and myself. We decided to be friends and nothing more. But he wanted something deeper than that. I realized I had to put an end to this unfair relationship. But I didn't know how.

One night, he saw me kissing another guy. And that's when it all ended. He called me horrible names and insulted me until we both cried. I hated myself and I wanted to hate him too. But I don't succeed at disliking him. In fact, I miss him. I miss his daily encouraging texts, driving his BMW, playing the music we both love, and discovering new restaurants before going to the movies. I miss the chivalry he got me used to, and I miss his protective instinct.
The last song he sent me before the mess went down was this one:

I never paid close attention to the lyrics until today.
The part that got to me was this:
"Who will be the one to listen when it's time to listen?
Who will be the one to miss you when you've gone missing?
Well, I do.
Do I qualify, qualify, qualify, qualify, qualify?
I want to be the one to help you ignore Mr. Loneliness peeking his head into your door. I'm hoping you can give me a new chance, chance, yes
I'm hoping that you notice how you're blessed"

But I never noticed how blessed I really was....As I hear this song I can almost hear his voice say: "Who's thinking about you now? Who cares enough to send you flowers? Do I qualify?"

That's all I'm left with... those questions that echo in my mind. Those questions that make me wonder why I didn't love him as he loved me.

Friends and Friendships

The very first time I discovered I could have other friends beside my lovely sisters was in kindergarten. We were little in age and size, but we had big dreams and a big heart. 

 

What can I say, we were cute little kids! 

I remember hanging out with those girls at all times, regardless of time and place. They were smart, pretty and simply innocent. I remember playing with Barbie dolls and forgetting to go home after school, spending the afternoon with them.

It has been almost 20 years since I saw them, but I cannot forget the sweet memories and the mud houses we built together.

I'm in the back (left), my best friends are in the front (left and middle)

We, as human beings, were designed to create and build relationships. In fact, it is believed that 80 percent of the cortex (called the neocortex) was developed to help human beings understand each other with regards to intentions, feelings and thoughts. Much of our brain is devoted to relate to each other, which is why friendships are extremely fundamental to emotional and psychological well-being. Besides, friends are the only “family” we get to choose J

I love the diversity in culture, age, personalities and ideals in our friendship

And we know how to have fun! 

I have lived a live full of laughter, tears, pain, and many friends along the way to make me a bubbly and happy person. I have a lot of respect for those who took time to understand, know, and cherish me. I truly believe I am who I am because of those people.

Fermin, who was more than a friend and taught me more than I can explain.

In California

Cip, my far-away friend. We met in high school, and became good friends after high school

I wish I could still see this girl, she was sweet, cool, and never afraid of anything or anyone

I also have loved and lost some of my friends, but regardless of where we stand today, I am convinced that I will never forget the impact those friends had in my wondering live. I will never forget the way they helped me grow and the new outlook they provided to my live. I am truly thankful for such fortune, their kindness and wisdom will forever be embedded in my soul.

The days I learned from awesome people

This was by far one of the best days of my life, I will never forget that friend who made me feel so special. He will forever remain in my heart and mind. 

We were young and dumb, but this guy has known me since freshman year in highschool

In a way, this post is sort of a tribute to the people who care, love and accept me (and my sometimes irrational ideas) for who I am, despite the challenges in their own microsystems.

I have no words to express how grateful, appreciative I am for you, and how admiring you guys truly are. I have learned so many great things from you all, and I wish I could give back what I get from you; love, hope, believe, appreciation, respect and laughter.

MY CHINGU! The BFF ;)

And lastly…a few words for the ones that have showed me friendship since the day they met me! J

My little Sister Nena 

My wonderful mother and amazing older sister

How I love this woman, she's truly an example of a great woman

Do you know how amazing she is? :) 

She's elegant and beautiful, I learn from her all the time!

Chin-gu, you fit right in :)

The meaning of friendship takes form and becomes alive in my mother, father, and sisters. It is them that represent what love, forgiveness, friendship, and dreams should be. Friendship; It is my older sister who inspires me every single day to dream, live, learn, fight, and love. Friendship; It is my little sister who teaches me time and time again to love, forgive and excel.

They are my world, and mean the world to me!

I LOVE YOU! 

My blog is alive!

Hello my friends and welcome [back?]!

I was supposed to be doing laundry but while I was looking through old emails I came across my old (super old!) blog, so I read it and spent over 40 minutes trying to figure out the password! I finally got it and here I am….

As I read the old blogs I’ve written I begin to meditate on the person behind those blogs, I sounded so sure of myself yet so naïve at the same time. But you know what? I know that person, and I miss that confidence I used to have, and that faith I once had.

It’s hot in my room, I have the window open, where I hear the wind caress the trees so passionately and a cat is meowing—no it is not Talitha—I know that because she’s sitting next to me.

This is Talitha :P

As I think about how to start this, I first want to get something off my chest; I’ve only showed this blog to a few people, but this time I want to share it with my close friends which is mainly composed of my sisters, my chin-gu, my partner in crime G-dog, Belly, and a few others for whom I have no nicknames yet but I will find them one.

Chin-gus!

Lately, I’ve been inspired to write due to an unfortunate turn of events and I wrote a few short poems that might seem depressive, but believe me I am not depressed, they are simply sincere from an open heart and not an open wound.

You and Me

You:

A fighter for justice

Me:

A summer solstice

You:

Almost never stand still

Me:

A heart you can’t steal

You:

A ray of light I can feel

Me:

A touch of the color teal

You fight for equality, uniformity and consistency.

I stand, tilt and go through seasons just as the earth

You move in your own way, active, lively and energetic.

I guard my heart, but often fail, and then hide and run away.

You’re like the sun-rays, warm, bright, strong and ultraviolet

I’m like the color teal, bright, unique and dense

Have you ever seen that color in direct sunlight?

It’s beautiful, and that is who I am when I am with you.

And this is a poem to my long-lost friend:

When I feel the summer breeze, when I hear the trees breathe or when my mind is at ease… I see you, hear you, remember you

You smile
I beam
You speak
I hear
You drive
…I’m alive
“push the pedal down watch the world around fly by”
again and again
pain is not gain
pain is vain

Scars and stains
is what we had left and I wait for time to heal

One last appeal
“Come and we’ll try one last time, I’m off of the floor one more time to find you”

What do you guys think? :)

Oh, on another note, I was accepted to the University of Portland Oregon!