Friends and Friendships

The very first time I discovered I could have other friends beside my lovely sisters was in kindergarten. We were little in age and size, but we had big dreams and a big heart. 

 

What can I say, we were cute little kids! 

I remember hanging out with those girls at all times, regardless of time and place. They were smart, pretty and simply innocent. I remember playing with Barbie dolls and forgetting to go home after school, spending the afternoon with them.

It has been almost 20 years since I saw them, but I cannot forget the sweet memories and the mud houses we built together.

I'm in the back (left), my best friends are in the front (left and middle)

We, as human beings, were designed to create and build relationships. In fact, it is believed that 80 percent of the cortex (called the neocortex) was developed to help human beings understand each other with regards to intentions, feelings and thoughts. Much of our brain is devoted to relate to each other, which is why friendships are extremely fundamental to emotional and psychological well-being. Besides, friends are the only “family” we get to choose J

I love the diversity in culture, age, personalities and ideals in our friendship

And we know how to have fun! 

I have lived a live full of laughter, tears, pain, and many friends along the way to make me a bubbly and happy person. I have a lot of respect for those who took time to understand, know, and cherish me. I truly believe I am who I am because of those people.

Fermin, who was more than a friend and taught me more than I can explain.

In California

Cip, my far-away friend. We met in high school, and became good friends after high school

I wish I could still see this girl, she was sweet, cool, and never afraid of anything or anyone

I also have loved and lost some of my friends, but regardless of where we stand today, I am convinced that I will never forget the impact those friends had in my wondering live. I will never forget the way they helped me grow and the new outlook they provided to my live. I am truly thankful for such fortune, their kindness and wisdom will forever be embedded in my soul.

The days I learned from awesome people

This was by far one of the best days of my life, I will never forget that friend who made me feel so special. He will forever remain in my heart and mind. 

We were young and dumb, but this guy has known me since freshman year in highschool

In a way, this post is sort of a tribute to the people who care, love and accept me (and my sometimes irrational ideas) for who I am, despite the challenges in their own microsystems.

I have no words to express how grateful, appreciative I am for you, and how admiring you guys truly are. I have learned so many great things from you all, and I wish I could give back what I get from you; love, hope, believe, appreciation, respect and laughter.

MY CHINGU! The BFF ;)

And lastly…a few words for the ones that have showed me friendship since the day they met me! J

My little Sister Nena 

My wonderful mother and amazing older sister

How I love this woman, she's truly an example of a great woman

Do you know how amazing she is? :) 

She's elegant and beautiful, I learn from her all the time!

Chin-gu, you fit right in :)

The meaning of friendship takes form and becomes alive in my mother, father, and sisters. It is them that represent what love, forgiveness, friendship, and dreams should be. Friendship; It is my older sister who inspires me every single day to dream, live, learn, fight, and love. Friendship; It is my little sister who teaches me time and time again to love, forgive and excel.

They are my world, and mean the world to me!

I LOVE YOU! 

Breakups

I wanted to avoid this topic until I was completely “over it” or until my heart was completely mended… But the truth is once something is broken it never goes back to being whole again. Instead, we reach a maturity level that goes beyond “getting over” someone, that level when we can think back and smile and laugh at the things that once made us upset or angry, or rejoice. And it is when we reach this level that the pieces of that broken heart come together to form a bond, not quite as it was before but stronger, and different.

I don’t know where this idea came from; the idea of having a “broken heart” or being “damaged” from a relationship. But it makes sense to use that analogy; it makes sense to equate something as fragile as the heart to something that’s easily broken or very delicate.

Now, from a psychobiological perspective “love” or the emotions we “feel” come from a region in our brains, the limbic system, primarily an almond shaped part called the amygdala and the hippocampus and not the muscle protected by our thoracic cage called heart. If I had time I would go over some really awesome facts about these regions in our amazing brain, but that’s another story on its own. Where I’m trying to get to is this; emotions greatly stem from thoughts, repeated actions, and words we hear (and say). It’s a pattern formed by our neurons in our actively and lively brain. So in a sense, love doesn’t happen instantly and “just because”, love literally grows within us. With every thought, every action and reaction, and everything we hear and say.

So, what happens when the inevitable happens? When the limbic system fails to keep and maintain that love growing? Of course we breakup.

And the breakup sucks, after all the endorphins and serotonin run out we’re left empty, confused, angry and sad. In the midst of the confusion we try to search for a cause, or a reason or at least something or someone to blame it on. We go through a denial process, a withdrawal and eventually we come to accept it and learn from it.

Just a few days ago, I was with Glenda, in what she calls a “hole in the wall” (Al’s) having breakfast and I expressed the theory of “love”, the way we become dependent on the constant reassurance and when it’s no longer there we go through this withdrawal and its painful and even anxious. Sort of like a drug. And just like the addict, we must face the temptation to seek that person, to hear about him (or her), and eventually replace those moments and thoughts with something else. Notice I say with something else and not “someone” else, because replacing someone with someone else is failure to accept the fact that we must renew our self-esteem and our identity. It only creates a bigger mess a deeper scar. But people in general, friends, family and dates help to re-learn who we are without our exes, and who we want to be, hopefully have a new ideal of what we want in the future.

So when we step out of the box, when we stand at the edge of the cliff we hang from after the breakup and look ahead we see a big world, maybe lonely and scary but then we look back and see that we’ve come so far with and without a significant other. And then the world doesn’t seem so bad at all, the skies look a little brighter and the mountains begin to look a little friendlier. We recognize faults and weakness in ourselves that others are too afraid to point out. And this, although painful, helps the brain recognize new patterns and aids the heart in the healing process. Just like thoughts, actions and reactions were responsible for strongly liking someone, our thoughts and actions are equally responsibly for restoring those chemicals that made us feel so happy and good about ourselves.

As for me, those actions include volunteer work, being around family and close friends, words of comfort to a grieving friend and talking openly about my mistakes. I’m learning to enjoy the little moments in life we often miss; like drinking sangrias at a rooftop with a childhood friend, dancing to the beat of a song we can’t name until the break of dawn, having carne asada and corn on the cob with the chin-gus then watching World War Z with them, drinking a cold Carlsberg while soaking up photons, walking through Loring Park with a friend I adore, or simply writing an anonymous letter to my best friend.

My good friend who's great at giving advice :) MW at Loring Park

My awesome M and I at the rooftop of Crave before we danced until the night ended (kinda ) :P

“In the end, everything is okay, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end…”

I'd like to leave you all with this beautiful song by Ben Howard "Only Love"