The Music I live In...

I put my headphones on

Watch the world stop

Listen to my favorite song

Smile as I nod

...to every beat of the song.

Music can inspire, relax, heal and wake feelings that are dormant.

The biggest compliment I've gotten lately was regarding music. My friend said she didn't appreciate music as much as she does now, and it's all because of me! :)

We share the same office, and almost every morning I make a playlist to listen throughout the day. Or I come to the office in the mood of certain songs... and she puts up with my love for music. 

Music is a semi-intangible form of art. And Earth without Art is just Eh!

Have you heard the song Every Teardrop is a Waterfall by Coldplay? 

If not, have a listen :) 

I had the fortune to see them in concert a few years ago and I completely fell in love all over again. I mean I loved them already, but after the concert my respect and love for them grew even more. Truly an amazing band. They closed with this amazing song:

And yes, my heart did beat to my favorite song! 

Once upon a time in the early 2k's :)

I found some old pictures from the early 2000's when I was young, naive and skinny! Haha

The shape of my body has changed, my thoughts have also matured but I'm still a dreamer like I used to be. 

Deep down inside, I don't think we really grow out of that youthful phase. I think we'll always reminisce those days. But let's not forget that a few years from now, today will be "the good ol' days!". So let's make more memories!

Enjoy the pics! :D

“Anything worth anything doesn’t come easy.”

Today marks the end of my Spring Break.

But it wasn’t truly a break at all. I’ve been super busy and working extra hours to make up for days I’ve missed at work and to save money to pay next semester.

Although I did take a break and went to visit my older sister in South Dakota, I’m back home and the stress started to build up again.

For the past weeks I’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster that’s left me sick and more sensitive than the usual. You see, right before spring break I got terrifying news regarding my health. I thought my life as I knew it was over and I was never going to be the same. I was scared, extremely sad and depressed. I couldn’t help but think about everything I had done in the past and blamed myself for not having a legacy worth telling.

I went to South Dakota because I wanted to be alone. I wanted that solitude to let go of all the psychological bonds that tied me to fear and regret. All I wanted to do was “push the pedal down [and] watch the world around fly by”. I wanted to find comfort in music and the open skies. There was no one there expect my sister patiently waiting for me on the other side of the country.

After I came back, I heard back from an internship placement I was hoping to get for senior year. I didn’t get it. I immediately asked my self what was wrong with me. I constantly searched for a reason and I wanted an immediate response. But I never asked, I put it in the back of my mind and brushed it off. As if that wasn’t enough, yesterday I heard from another potential internship placement telling me I didn’t get the internship. At this point, rejection has become the norm and not the exception. I can’t help but worry that I will not find a placement before April.

This morning, I opened all the mail I have stacked up at home and read a letter from my doctor. Turns out that although the results of all the blood tests done were abnormal, it’s not as serious as I was told it was. I am relieved. But of course along with this letter came the bill, and to my surprise it was much higher that I thought it would be. It’s ironic that I’ve been pushing people to get health care coverage and here I am, uninsured with unexpected medical bills.

Anyway, I know all this might sound pitiful, but despite the lows I am content and at ease.

Last night, I went to my church for the first time in a very long time. I saw some of the kids I used to work with some years ago. They are so grown! They have become young adults (teenagers actually) and getting much taller than I am. The girls are getting prettier and the guys are getting even more handsome. The best part is that they still like me as much as they did when I used to work with them. Every time they call me “Peaches” I sense respect and care in their voice. They hugged me, smiled at me, and expressed how much they missed me. In that moment, I came back to life. I can’t imagine my life with out these moments.

As we were leaving church a little boy asked me if I remember when we used to play tag together. Of course I do! He was such a tiny little boy with the cutest smile ever! I had an intense and funny conversation about his teeth—and how he should care for them. We laughed, we joked and we reconnected again. His beautiful smile is imprinted in my mind once again.

I can’t help by wish I was still part of their lives. Maybe this is my calling. I find extreme satisfaction in working with children and youth. I also realized that they like me. Not just as a leader but as a person. Now more than ever I want to finish school and be an example to them. I want them to excel and be extraordinary. In order to expect that from them, I must also strive for excellence.

So, as I prepare to resume classes I’m hopeful and a bit more motivated. The rejections still linger in my mind, the regrets of leaving that special person still haunt me, but as Mat Kearney would say “anything worth anything doesn’t come easy.”

My vacation in South Dakota was very relaxing and nice. Here are some pictures:

Grapefruit

“Bea, you are like a grapefruit… sweet but bitter at the same time.”

My friend made this statement in the context of my personality when it comes to relationships.

She went on to explain that I am sweet, bubbly, caring and I can pull people in. But right when someone is getting closer and closer, I push them away.

I can't muster up the courage to say what bothered me. I can't outwardly and openly admit that I distrust and still doubt... Instead I follow my instincts and walk away.

Theoretically speaking, most of the wild life is alive because of those instincts. Someone once told me I was intuitive. Perhaps it's the survival skills I've gained through this journey of heart aches and warfare. 

But John Mayer has a point..."If you want more love why don't you say so?...How come the only way to know how high you get me is to how far I fall? God knows how much I'll love if you let me, but I can't break through it all..." 

 

Nobel Peace Prize Forum

I just got back from the Nobel Peace Prize Forum where I had the privilege to hear His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak, I am very honored to have had this once in a lifetime opportunity.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama at the Minneapolis Convention Center

His Holiness spoke about education, compassion, diversity and love as part of the efforts to see the world in a humanistic way to achieve peace. He begins by saying that every living being on earth has ethical rights and values, even the animals and the flowers. He said every child should have access to an education and equal opportunities. He mentioned that even Hussein had access to education as a child. I believe he made this point because as cruel as we think Hussein to be, he made sure children had an education. Under his ruling, every child had access to an education regardless of socioeconomic status. His Holiness also said “mutual respect is mutual learning”. This was in the context of religion. And I totally agree with this statement. Lately, I’ve seen a lot of my atheist friends bash and go off on Christianity. I respect them as people and as my friends but I also strongly believe that they NEED to respect religion. If I respect their views there’s no reason why they shouldn’t respect mine. It should be a mutual respect to have room for learning. One never stops learning, and that’s the beauty of diversity and education. The more we learn the more we realize how little we know. He said “all religions have the same potential”, if we become respectful, collectively, we might just achieve the peace we yearn for.

Along these same lines he emphasized compassion, he urged us to have sincere compassion. He said this century should be a “century of love.” He said the less differences there is between us, the less barriers exists. With love running through our veins, we can talk and be heard. We can have meaningful dialogues and strive for social justice in non-violent actions.

Finally, one of the best moments of his speech was when he admitted that he really liked honey, and he thought that maybe he would reincarnate as a bee. That was until his doctor told him he needed to cut down on sweets in order to be healthy. He said that’s when he realized that eating honey posed a serious threat to his rebirth! He made this connection to the current state of our society. It is in serious threat of the future. The other highlight of his speech (according to me) was when someone from the audience asked him to describe this world in one word, His response: “Complicated!” He’s so right!

His Holiness radiates peace, enlightenment and a sense of respect. My sister said it’s because he is charismatic, but I say it’s more than that. I believe he has wisdom and he shares it in the most meek and kind of ways.

All in all, I am very impressed and thankful for everything this day entailed.