His name...

It's been almost a year since I wrote on my blog. Partly because I’ve been out of touch with my creative side, the other reason it’s because I’ve been too busy dating. 

His name is Joel.

We met through friends in a bar with a big stuffed moose inside of it. Little did I know Joel would change my world is such a great way. We have been together for nine months today! These past nine months have been full of adventures, new lessons, wet kisses, sleepless nights, laughter and new experiences. I can’t say they’ve been perfect; honestly no relationship is perfect nor would I want it to be. There’s always more to learn, more to discover from bumps in the relationship and it only makes it stronger. 

 The hardest part was to let my guard down, to let someone in, to become emotionally and psychologically intimate. So far, it’s totally worth it! All the heartaches, all the tears and all the breakups I’ve been through are finally worth it. And I am thankful they all ended and are now in the past.

  Joel makes it easy to want to fight through the ups and downs. We both have our own struggles, wishes and goals. At times we might even be on opposite stands, but we find our middle ground. We find that common ground that supports and roots our relationship. And for this, I am very thankful. Thanks to him, I write again. Thanks to Joel I find myself writing again. This post is dedicated to him, to our journey together. I leave with photo memories etched on my mind.

Thank you Joel. J

Grapefruit

“Bea, you are like a grapefruit… sweet but bitter at the same time.”

My friend made this statement in the context of my personality when it comes to relationships.

She went on to explain that I am sweet, bubbly, caring and I can pull people in. But right when someone is getting closer and closer, I push them away.

I can't muster up the courage to say what bothered me. I can't outwardly and openly admit that I distrust and still doubt... Instead I follow my instincts and walk away.

Theoretically speaking, most of the wild life is alive because of those instincts. Someone once told me I was intuitive. Perhaps it's the survival skills I've gained through this journey of heart aches and warfare. 

But John Mayer has a point..."If you want more love why don't you say so?...How come the only way to know how high you get me is to how far I fall? God knows how much I'll love if you let me, but I can't break through it all..."