Grapefruit

“Bea, you are like a grapefruit… sweet but bitter at the same time.”

My friend made this statement in the context of my personality when it comes to relationships.

She went on to explain that I am sweet, bubbly, caring and I can pull people in. But right when someone is getting closer and closer, I push them away.

I can't muster up the courage to say what bothered me. I can't outwardly and openly admit that I distrust and still doubt... Instead I follow my instincts and walk away.

Theoretically speaking, most of the wild life is alive because of those instincts. Someone once told me I was intuitive. Perhaps it's the survival skills I've gained through this journey of heart aches and warfare. 

But John Mayer has a point..."If you want more love why don't you say so?...How come the only way to know how high you get me is to how far I fall? God knows how much I'll love if you let me, but I can't break through it all..."