I lost my cool today.
If I was to see myself from the symbolic interactionism
approach, using my classmates as a point of reference, I would say I’m mature
and assertive when it comes to school work and discussions. At least that’s how
some of my classmates have described me.
Today, when it came time to check-in in our last class (one of my favorite) I totally lost control of my emotions.
One of my classmates was expressing how life was going for her, and how bad of an experience she’s having at home. She had teary eyes and a red face. She was about to cry.
Then it was my turn to check-in, I started out strong, expressing my frustrations from the loads of homework and how tired I have been lately, not only that but I’m sad I have to drag my mom along with my busy schedule. My parents work so hard to provide a comfortable lifestyle, and my dearest mother works so damn hard to make sure nothing basic is missing at home. As I was expressing how much I wished my mother didn’t have to work, and how guilty I feel for making her get up so early just so we can make it to work on time, I lost it.
Today, when it came time to check-in in our last class (one of my favorite) I totally lost control of my emotions.
One of my classmates was expressing how life was going for her, and how bad of an experience she’s having at home. She had teary eyes and a red face. She was about to cry.
Then it was my turn to check-in, I started out strong, expressing my frustrations from the loads of homework and how tired I have been lately, not only that but I’m sad I have to drag my mom along with my busy schedule. My parents work so hard to provide a comfortable lifestyle, and my dearest mother works so damn hard to make sure nothing basic is missing at home. As I was expressing how much I wished my mother didn’t have to work, and how guilty I feel for making her get up so early just so we can make it to work on time, I lost it.
The tears flowed from my eyes, gracefully, but they fell.
Then, all the emotions I had hidden away flowed along with those tears… I cried.
Then, all the emotions I had hidden away flowed along with those tears… I cried.
The girl next to me was crying too.
And just then, we all had tears in our eyes.
We all have been going through different issues: some have a
mother in the hospital, some no money
left, some too much homework, some no real friends, some losing someone, and me
feeling completely overwhelmed.
At times, I’ve felt tired of being strong. I’ve wished for someone to be there and just hold my hand. It’s my turn to be cared for… But I haven’t let my guard down, I can’t let anyone see the weaknesses I hide so easily. Today however, the emotions overran my consciousness and I became an open book, in public.
There was a sense of camaraderie in the classroom. Seeing
how much we sympathize with each other gave me faith in my future colleagues,
my professors and myself.
I am not alone.
And they are not alone.
2 comments:
You are not alone Beatriz, all of us that are working hard towards improving ourselves have to be strong. Keep your head up, life can be hard but we should not make it harder that it is, I try to focus on what I have and how much harder life would be without those things.
Jorge, you are so right, directing our focus to what we have makes us appreciate what we have. Thanks for those words. :)
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