Endings

Endings are so weird and unpredictable.

I’ve been waiting and expecting the end of this semester and now that it’s actually here and I have time on my hands I don’t know what to do with myself.

I watched a Korean Drama and I was eagerly expecting the end of it, once I did watch the ending I didn’t know what to think of it.

I also waited for the end of the year to see my younger sister again, and once she got here, I felt like she had never left.

I think we can see it this way; every ending is the beginning of something new.

I was talking to my office-mate (who literally knows everything about me and my adventures!), and I was telling her about all the free time that I have now. I told her I wanted to do the things I missed out on while I was busy being a student. But I realized that just because I stopped having a social life doesn’t mean the social life of others stopped as well.

It’s really hard to find that balance between the commitments at school, work, internship and a social life.

But there are beginnings too! Usually the beginnings are even more exciting than the endings. So here I am, smiling and reminiscing about all the things that happened this past few months knowing that the best is yet to come.

Cheers to this Holiday season full of surprises! J

-Bea. 

P.S. The Script and OneRepublic is something I'm looking forward to the most! 

Songs of the week

Music evokes a diverse range of emotions and feelings. Some are good, exciting and joyful, and some are melancholic and reminiscent. 

 This week I had a few songs on replay from the minute I woke up, until the minute I went to bed. 

Drunk

-Ed Sheeran

"I wanna hold your heart in both hands..."

I love this song for so many reasons. The lyrics, the feeling, Ed's voice and the meaning. Listen with headphones, and close your eyes. You might get the same feeling I get. It's not at all about drinking alcohol and getting drunk. This song is so much deeper than that.

Ed Sheeran was here in Minnesota in 2012. He played for Oake on the Water (free mini concerts as part of Cities97 summer programs) when his big hit The A Team had just come out. I went to see him on a rainy day and waited for hours, so unfortunately I didn't get to see him then. His flight was delayed and he arrived about 2 hours late to the show. He felt so bad that he literally gave a full concert! He was supposed to play just a few songs and leave, but I've been told he was so real, down-to-earth and humble that he played most of his songs on his album. All because he felt so bad for being late.

Ed Sheeran's album is very intimate and he gives us a glimpse of his personal life. I can go on and on and talk about each song on the album, but you all should listen to it. Discover the beauty of his music and lyrics. :)

The Script 

-If You Could See Me Now

This Irish band doesn't need an introduction because everyone should know them. My favorite song from them is For The First Time. The Script has such a beautiful, melodic rhythm to their songs. If You Could See Me Now was written in memory of Donny's father and Mark's parents who passed away when they were younger. I am fortunate to have both parents alive, but the thought of losing either of them breaks my heart. When I hear this song I'm thankful for kissing my mother goodbye every morning and hugging my dad when I see him. Listen to this song, and appreciate your parents, hug them, and kiss them every day.

OneReplublic 

-Marchin On

OneRepublic's Ryan Tedder is unbelievably talented. If you don't believe me, look him up; Grammy-Winning American Singer-Songwriter, composer and producer for popular artists such as his own band OneRepublic, Maroon5, Beyonce, Adele, Leona Lewis, Kelly Clarkson, etc. This song, Marchin On, is such a good song to wake up to! I've been questioning certain policy issues as part of a project for my History and Policy class. And right when I wanted to give up on advocating for something very personal and dear to me, I heard this song. It gave me the motivation I've been lacking to press on and "march on". Sounds cheesy but it's so true.

Bon Iver

-Skinny Love

Bon Iver's Skinny Love is such a great song to listen to on a lazy Sunday morning. There's a sense of hurt and melancholy in this song, but it's so good. Justin Vernon wrote this song when he went through a break up from his band and his girlfriend, hence the melancholic feeling. I like the history behind this album and I can't get enough of this song. I have yet to explore the deeper meaning of his lyrics, but superficially the song is beautifully written and performed.

88

-Wolftron

"I wanna love my woman right, I wanna see her face in every kind of light, I wanna taste the air she breathes, I wanna be the man she needs..." This is what every man should be saying to a woman. At the same time, I want to be a good [wo]man, I want to hold my lover's hand, I want to grow old in God's good light... I think I aspire to these things. Which is why I like this song so much. 

I simply cannot say how much I love this song. It's made it to my blog twice. Wolftron's Kenny Choi has an amazing voice and writes so beautiful.

I'd love to hear what songs you have on your iPod or iTunes or playlist :D 

Past

The past is such an intangible thing, yet so real.

I ran into an old friend I haven't seen in seven years, she used to be my best friend. We talked about the past. We brought up many childish things we did without thinking. We talked as if we were still best friends.

But as I listened to her perception of “our” past, I realized how different we remember the past. She remembers a different me.  I look back and I wonder why she never took the time to really know me.

 I always saw the past as a time of glory, adventure and joy. I speak of the past with nostalgia, as if I really missed and wished to go back. But as I talked to my friend I realized that past is right where it should be…in the past.
The baggage we carry is worthless and useless.
I enjoyed the years of youth but not the teenage angst. I enjoyed my freedom and free spirit but not the carelessness.
I can change and reinvent myself, but it’s the choices that propel the present into the future. I made my choices then, I make choices now.
My present is much more cherished.
I’m glad I’ve grown into the person I am today.
It’s true that none of us exist independently from the social push and pull of our environment (past and present), but learning to move on is essential.
I keep fond memories of the past, and occasionally I'll reference back and even write about it, but yesterdays are gone, and I'm glad its over.

Thoughts

It takes many people to reinforce a biased idea about certain people or things.
But it also takes one person to change that preconceived idea or notion.

It was just yesterday that I was condemning men for their lack of care, responsibility and maturity, but today someone reminded me that there's good in every person regardless of gender.

Midterms week was chaotic and sleepless, not mention an empty stomach but veins full of caffeine. On Halloween (the worst holiday ever invented) I was probably a walking zombie from the previous sleepless nights. I still had two major papers to turn in.

With no time to spare at all, I had deprived myself from food for the last two days. I was staying awake with coffee and hot Cheetos. Yes, I was totally abusing my body. I have since cut down on coffee and the junk food.

When I mentioned this to my guy friend he asked me to have dinner with him, I had declined so many times because my priority was school and work. I declined again but he insisted. I finally said yes and agreed to meet him for dinner after my internship. When I was on my way there he asked me what I wanted to eat so he could order because the place was busy. I have been there a few times already so all I said was "just get me what I always get. No shrimp."

When I arrived, he came out to meet me and walked me to our table. My first surprise was to see our food there already. My second surprise was that he remembered my favorite food. It was delicious. That was the first meal I've had in days!

We had an awesome conversation and he was very supportive. He even suggested I take out my laptop and work on my papers while we were having dinner. So I did, I finished a paper while we were there. He had paid for dinner already and made sure I was warm enough (with hot tea). I was very content, and so was my belly!

A few days later he offered to pick me up and meet our friends, the weekend after he picked me up and took me to dinner and a movie. (side note: I like when someone picks me up, I've attached a meaning to this gesture) I had been insisting in paying but he refused every time. When we crossed the street, he made sure I was safe before anything else. When the theater got chilly, he took off his jacket and put it around my legs and feet. When he took me home, he stood outside his car and made sure I went in before he left.

This is typical of him, he does this for all his friends. He comes from a culture where friendship is exclusive and not many people are considered "friends", it is difficult to become part of that circle of friends. He tells me he's still very kid-like despite his age, and that he's not so mature despite his achievements. I respect that. He knows what he wants, he's financially stable, shy but has a certain sense of confidence, and is genuine and transparent.

I had a bad day yesterday, so he asked me to have dinner with him again. As we sat there, having ice cream for dessert I thought about all the qualities (or lack thereof) I often criticize in men. The lack of courtesy, chivalry, responsibility, care and maturity. He minimized those notions I have of men. He reminded me that not all men are the same. He also reminded me that I have an amazing circle of friends that help break down preconceptions and other barriers. The words he's said that are most memorable to me are these: "Love is about giving to the other person" "I like to see my friends succeed" and "Your name (Bea or Bee) means 'rain'"


Thanks for unknowingly challenging my strong opinions of men :)

Think of me

...because I certainly am.

Honey

I say “I like him” to all of my friends
I tell them he likes me too, “but he pretends”
We’re always busy and this sh*t never ends
Not quite so young but he still blends
Let’s dance in the night
and end this fight

Running in circles and coming back down
a smile instead of that frown
I know this ain’t hard, he can shoot straight to my heart
I got the honey and he got the money
I’ve got the brain, he makes it rain
Twenty-eight, here I am, with kisses for one man

I looked for nothing
…that’s when it happened

My rhythm-less body

Collided with his
hands fell in place, got lost in his embrace
One last glance, a kiss on the mouth and he went south..
I went my way and he went away

An end to something with no start
or a start of something with no end…

*This song is also inspired from Mat Kearney's song "Honey"

Wolftron

Last December, I met a very interesting person who loves music as much as I do (no, much more than I do). He is a very warm and friendly person who happens to work in the radio industry here in the cities. Aside of his professional career with music, his personal taste is very diverse but definitely unique and notable.

He introduced me to a few bands I have never heard of, but I was instantly won over by the artists. There is one in particular that got my attention the most: Kenny Choi also known as Wolftron. 

The man behind Wolftron is Kenny Choi. I know very little of this artist. I know he’s a Korean American artist from Washington and was in a band called Daphne Loves Derby. He left the band to focus on Biology. He is now working at a Cancer Research Center in Washington and is happily married. 

His music is very insightful and inspiring. We could say he wears his heart on his songs. Some people hit the gene pool lottery when it comes to creativity, talent and intelligence. This guy, is one of them. I hope he continues to write more songs. I would love to hear more of him, it's too bad I found out about him after his Daphne Loves Derby days. The lesson learned from this is to support the bands and singers you like when you can, because you never know what's in the future for them. 

I'd like to share some of my favorites:  

Sugar Skulls--

"Sticks of death, cigarettes I hate the smell of smoke but I've learn to hide it in.

And then when I'm old I'll damn these broken lungs I should've listen to my friends."

Stay Safe-- 

"I want to be the one who saves you from this world, you will be the one who saves me from myself"

Strawberry Eyes--

"Watch it burn, let's not care what anyone says, Let's not care what yesterday wastes, all that really matters now, is the escape. In our sleep, let's pretend tomorrow will bring, hope, that makes the darkest heart sing"

This is my favorite.. I would quote every single word of this song, but it's better to listen to it and internalize it. 

So, what do you think? :)