Autumn in silence, inside us, putting it behind us

Fall of 2004…

 The heat of the summer had finally settled and the breeze of the fall had swept through the city in a heartbeat. It was a time for scarfs, light jackets, hot coffee and holding hands. And that’s how we walked to school day after day, hand in hand with nothing but an empty stomach. We smiled and laughed as if we had no cares, worries or problems. Little did we know the days of joy were soon to be over and winter would suddenly cool the heat of the summer passions.

Fall is a season meant to be shared. Whether it’s shared with the most important person in your life, or the romance that sprung from a simple “hello” on a ripped piece of paper.

If you don’t have it, you long for it. If you have it, you take advantage of it.

I still remember the black coat and the blue scarf you wore when we first met, it was the very first day of fall the year before, your smile pierced through my broken heart thawing every single broken piece. It was between Math and English that I learned your name, and during Romeo and Juliet when we exchanged notes for the first time.

Every time I saw that skinny boy walking through the halls, my mind spun and I loved the sudden halt by your voice calling out my name. The perfectly shaped lips and those calm eyes that said more than I could understand never failed to hypnotize me in such a way that I didn’t want you to stop.

I always wondered what you liked about me; was it the sadness in my eyes that intrigued you? Perhaps the bubbly personality I developed over time? Or was it the smile that greeted you every morning? The fact is that you broke through the tough protective walls I had built and gave me a reason to believe in romance again, and a reason to go to school every day. I graduated early because of my longing to see you every single day, whether in school or outside of school.

And here we were in college, walking with confidence as if you and I had a clue of what it meant to be an adult. You became a sports novelty and gained popularity and I became a fighter for social justice and gained activist friends. The silence of your lips and the arguments in my mind created a fissure between us that became bigger and bigger with everything we didn’t say. And when December froze the streets we walked on, our romance also froze, and it was over.

I cried, you cried. I pleaded, you reasoned. I walked away and you watched me leave.

That Christmas was undoubtedly the saddest.

Your silence was the saddest conversation I’ve ever had.

And then Spring of 2005 came along with blooming flowers, warm showers and promising lovers…

...............to be continued.